She was happy, had a family and friends and above all they loved her. That is the story everybody wants to be told at their funeral . we work and toil our whole live just so those few words can be said after we are dead, well some will explain it , they will say she was she was generous, or she loved everybody or whatever else it is they will say to help them sleep at night, but am afraid that is not my story. When I die I want them to say she was mean not because I was but because I said and saw the truth for what it was, I want them to say she did not care not because I didnt but because I believed in giving people a chance to believe in themselves first, I want them to say she was nobody not because I was but because I believed that being somebody is not about being famous but about touching another’s life positively.
Ever had one of those day that nothing seems to be going your way? your car broke down , your bank decided today is just not your day to swipe your credit/debit card, it rained/snowed out of nowhere when you dressed for a warm day, today is the day your boss decides nobody is going to have peace in the office, that urgent delivery you have been waiting for for the last one month is late again, your dead beat judgmental father just came to town, or your whining mother who wont let anybody be just paid a surprise visit, having a bad hair day or everything you have been trying to avoid for the last decade just came banging on your door in the morning? and the first thing that comes to your mind is SOMEBODY PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! Well i have news for you, that’s just one day, there are some of us who have these kind of days every other day of our lives, so whether you are having the worst day of your live or your first day day just know you are not alone. There is someone out there having a day worse than yours every other day and no matter how bad things get they are always bound to get better at some point, Well unless someone actually shoots you then you can have better days or worse days in the afterlife which nobody knows…………. Keep your head high and just maybe you will not drown in your bad days…..
What happens when you can no longer find your voice, when you wake up in the morning and try to sing along to your favorite tune on the radio like you have done all your life and you just can’t. when getting the lyrics to that beautiful song you heard yesterday to stick in your mind only seems impossible,
What then happens when the one thing that was a flashlight in your life is no more and none can tell who stole or took it and all you have now is darkness and a black space, where do you go from there,because honestly an scared that slowly loosing my voice, that the one thing that brings me true joy and happiness is slowly disappearing into thin air…………
So last night i was sitting in my bed turning around having my own kind of insomnia when i realized all of a sudden its like i can breath again, there is a possibility that i can dream again, then i knew in my mind that you know what? I want that white wedding, I want to dance with these two left feet on my wedding day and have that very imperfect guy standing right beside me. Not long ago i had given up on ever being married, or having a family, or ever dreaming again but now , i want to be happy again, I deserve to be happy one more time…………………..
I still remember, the days i used to cry myself to sleep because you wouldn’t acknowledge me, the days when all i wanted was for you to love me, when my whole life was all about you, when the slightest sarcastic comment from you used to drive me to almost kill myself, when everything i did was to please you and your ego. I still remember when i literally had to beg for your affection because to me that was a reason for me to keep living, i do remember when i used to think without you i was nothing but an ugly woman without a people , the memory of the hate in your eyes when you looked at me still haunted me day and night, but i am stronger now, i have a people without you, i have a home without you, i have love and affection without you, i have a reason to live again because i have hope and to you Dad i want to say, you destroyed my life once, you don’t get to have a second chance to do it all over again.
Today for the first time in a long time i actually woke up looking forward to the day not because there was something special installed for me but because it was just a normal day and i felt free inside ooh, and that helicopter that circles my estate at night making a lot of noise wasn’t there last night God knows i can’t stand it.
Today has a beautiful morning in Nanyuki and if you don’t think so look at the sky its clear and if you plan on living the day nasty well that’s your problem, i know am gonna have a good day today and nothing can change that well unless they finaly decide am gonna have to live with a cat because i hate cats.
Have a good day everybody and don’t be nasty.